"I Just Knew I Had to Do It" - One Amazing Mums Breastfeeding Story

Before he was born, I had set huge expectations for myself. I had to breastfeed. I was determined. I wanted to do it more than anything - and thankfully, I could. But in those early days, I was full of nerves. I remember being completely consumed by the fear of getting the latch wrong. I’d read so much, watched videos, and yet I still doubted myself. I worried I’d be stuck - not knowing what to do, and failing before I’d even really started. But somehow, it clicked. I managed to secure a good latch early on, and that gave me a quiet confidence. The physical pain was real- sharp, intense - but with the right care, it passed. Within a few weeks, I could feed my son without pain.

Emotionally, though, I was far more fragile than I let on. I didn’t see it at the time. But the truth is, I was terrified. I was scared to even take a shower in case he needed feeding while I was in there. I hated people holding him in case they wouldn’t give him back for a feed. And if he did cry, I’d immediately take him and feed him. The weigh-ins filled me with panic. What if he wasn’t gaining enough? What if people thought I wasn’t feeding him properly? That I wasn’t good enough? Thankfully, he stayed on track - but that constant anxiety never truly left.

I didn’t leave him. Not for ten months. I had such deep separation anxiety that I couldn’t even consider expressing milk or letting someone else feed him. I was his only food source, and in many ways, I used that as my reason to stay with him.

But I loved breastfeeding. I truly, truly did. I was so proud that I could do it. It felt like something sacred that only we shared. That didn’t mean the outside pressure disappeared. People around me were quick to suggest formula, quick to say, “Just give him a bottle.” I don’t think they meant harm, but it stung. I was determined to prove them wrong. I needed to prove to myself that I could do it.

On the hardest days - the days I felt sore, exhausted, or unsure - I would look down at him and remind myself: I grew this baby. I made him. And now I’m feeding and comforting him with my body. That thought carried me through so many dark moments. If I could go back and speak to myself at the start of this journey, I’d say: Trust your heart. Block out the noise. You already know what’s best.

There’s one moment I will treasure forever - our very first feed. He was just 30 minutes old and nursed for nearly an hour. It was magic. Quiet, calm, just the two of us. I would relive it a thousand times if I could.

I wish more people understood how natural breastfeeding really is. If a baby needs feeding, a mother should feel completely comfortable feeding them - anywhere, anytime. There’s nothing more human, more raw, more beautiful.

So, to any new mum just starting her journey, here’s my advice: Believe in yourself. If you want to do this, and your heart is in it - you can. Don’t doubt your strength. You were made for this.

If you'd like support, guidance or just a chat Haverhill Breastfeeding Friends host a drop-in every Wednesday from 10am to 12pm at the Old Independent Church Hall, Hamlet Rd, Haverhill CB9 8EF creating a nurturing space where experiences and knowledge can be shared. Here, parents can access quality, up-to-date breastfeeding support from dedicated Breastfeeding Counsellors.